Day 17 – La fin des mes vacances a Paris

Today is it, my last day in Paris, France. Or Saint-Mande.

It started raining last night, it woke me. French rain. And the chill outside, but I was cozy and rolled over to sleep again. When I finally woke, Denis was up already, poised and ready to continue working on his laptop. And Adine was busy in her room. Denis and I agreed to have un petit dejeuner ensemble, which would include some of the brioche I made yesterday. He started the kettle and I fumbled with the French coffee press for me.

Lord, have mercy on me. The 50 pound baggage limit bites! So I’m lugging my carry-on with many goodies, memories, and this laptop. I plan to leave by 8:30 a.m. to lovingly roll my bags to Reuilly Airport (CDG) and get there with time to RELAX from this workout that I expect it will be. I was blessed to share a car with Marian coming into the city but going the opposite direction, I’m taking the Metro train. Should be simple, the transportation here is so smooth and dependable. I hope it won’t be so bad. The unexpected… (please, no strikes tomorrow.)

Denis says over the days and weeks, he saw me change from being the tentative, solo tourist from America to a visitor with more confidence and adventure for what lay out in the City of Light. That’s true, because I’m finding my own feet again in the world. The trip to Paris has been a point to prove to myself that I henceforth am alright. Different, than the past few years but just fine. Experts say not to define yourself by a role you play or to label yourself. But I think it is fine to declare, I’m a student, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a mother, a wife. I say (or said) those roles defined me because each one means something very special to me. And then when you lose one, it is lost forever. Sometimes it can be replaced, but what is lost is lost. Finding new things in life that bring new happiness will replace or fill the gaps. It just takes time.

Paris was definitely a great gap filler for me. I came alone to be alone and to spend time with the City and all its wonders. I wasn’t ever afraid of coming here or when I was here but I must admit to being confused a few times when I became lost in its alleys, streets, or off the main causeways. Then I wished someone could help me sort things out and find my way. Sometimes I wanted someone to talk to, to share a new experience with, to go to a bistro with and sit shoulder to shoulder with other people and have conversation and a glass of kir. But, I may not have missed much. It’s been more important that I spend this time by myself, with myself. I’ve thought about making changes and continuing to quest for what I want in the future. Clearing the deck, starting fresh, and expecting good things to come. With purpose and intention to guide me and in all things, with love.

I’ve enjoyed seeing the historic buildings and streets and hearing and practicing the language that I studied as a young student. Walking beside the River Seine, thinking about the centuries of people who have lived, loved, and struggled in this ancient city, seeing beautiful art and people, praying in cathedrals and chapels, making wonderful, new friends, shopping for trinkets and tokens, missing, sometimes aching for, the people I love back home, appreciating the life I have, these are things that I’ve done in Paris which are in my memory. I came here wanting to be changed by Paris. I think I am.

Thank you for following me all these days. I’ll see you again or, as a French woman would say, A bientot, chers amis!